Psychological Philosophizings

So, I didn't get out of town, but I did put myself through a couple tough hikes. Of course "tough" is relative, but a couple hours on a steep trail is enough to feel like a pretty solid push for my current physical state. That first twenty minutes or so is the most intense.

I've said that such things work to give myself thinking time similar to long drives. What that really means is that I'm doing something that requires partial concentration, whether that's putting one foot in front of the other on a trail or following a stretch of road in light traffic. Either way, it's as though that occupies just enough mental bandwidth to leave room for one primary conscious thread. With that, I can then sort of focus on one line of thinking reasonably well, putting together thoughts on how an RPG campaign might work, for example.

That headspace is hard to come by. It seems I usually exist in either a work-based crisis mode, where I have an urgent issue in front of me that needs to be fixed now, or in a more scatter-brained state where it's hard to focus on any one thing. In the former case, I'm focussed by necessity. It can be draining, but I'm working on a problem and truly desire resolution. In the latter case, I may have a good thought, but holding onto or developing it is difficult. Instead of looking at one character/scene on the MUCK, I'll tangent off to another, and another - or I'll be browsing web sites, or... whatever the case, I don't seem to be able to stick with anything very well when left to my own devices.

On a slightly different level, I've observed the same general behavior. If I have a goal, I can be a tenacious bastard in pursuing it. Without a goal, I tend to flounder and feel aimless. What I really need, is some good way to pick/assign personal, free-time goals. That's where I have a problem, though. I don't seem to be able to consciously elevate something from "something I'd like to see done for fun/self-improvement" to "something I really care enough to do and follow through on." Work things gets priority like that, but personal things just... don't.

Distractions probably don't help. I mean, anytime I log onto the MUCK, I'm immediately pulled in two or three different directions. And if I manage to put any productive thinking toward something personal during the work day, one little actual work-related issue can derail that in a hurry.

So... I recognize and acknowledge all of that, but I'm not sure what to do about it.