Redwolf's Journal (continued)

Or something. So I got a call from Jeff at the bank this morning. Thankfully, it didn't start with "Are you sitting down?" No, all seems to be going well. At this point, he's waiting on two things: a copy of my 2002 W-2 (easy enough for me to take care of Monday... er... Tuesday), and insurance information from the condo homeowners' association (which he expects in the next week). He said if he gets those two things, we can even close early. Mind you, that still may not happen due to needing agreement from everyone involved (myself, the seller, the title company, etc.). So, barring unforseen events, the countdown is now two weeks, or maybe a little less. There are still other things to do, though. I'm not sure what the best timing would be to contact various companies to change my address on file and all that. Then there's getting utilities switched over (which may actually be covered at closing, I'm not sure), and my phone line. Then there's t

Now, one of the few things I still pride myself on is being able to look at a situation from different angles - seeing something how others see it. It doesn't always make life any easier, but I'd rather have that understanding than not. And it's something that a surprisingly large percentage of people seem to be unable to do. Also, in listening to people, you will tend to hear different sides to something. Every now and then, I find people's views on a situation... hmm... I lack a word - some combination of amazement, amusement, and interest. So there's the ongoing thing between MUCK characters... At present, it's mellow and the pair is reasonably content I think. But they still have very different wants and expectations. So, in the space of one night, I hear two dramatically different takes on the situation from people in pages OOC. One person says "You're very lucky to have someone so devoted." The other says "You know, what he's doi

Well, we did end up roleplaying Saturday. Yay. It was a nice break from being around the house. No game next week, though, due to the local SCA event. Yesterday, I spent a few hours out of the house as well, browsing WalMart and Home Depot. The latter really doesn't seem like a good store for browsing, but I wanted to get an idea (however rough) of what I'm going to need and want for home maintenance. I'd still like a few days to work on that before anything else. Nina's eagerly talking about moving in as soon as possible. I guess we'll work something out along the way. I napped away much of the afternoon. It didn't help me feel rested in the long run, but I do recall having a dream. I was a newly-hired teacher (of all things) at some high-tech, near-future complex. In going about things on the computer, I ran into some information I couldn't access. It was something about a student, though I can't remember details now. Interested, and feeling it was

Actually, I'm doing okay all things considered. Taking a look at the home situation from Susan's point of view has helped me feel less uneasy about that. Sure, I still feel like I'm walking on egg shells at the house, but it's not as bad as it was. I'm still quite tired and short on everything (especially patience). I very nearly just went and played Neverwinter Nights rather than logging on to Faire or FFDA last night. In retrospect, maybe I should have. I probably wouldn't have ended the night mired in unpleasant emotions that come from thinking too much about relationships there. I really wish I could just push it all aside - work, house negotiations, emotional baggage from online RP - and go away for a while. I'm in need of time to sort myself out, and I can't do that with everything that's going on. But then, I can't afford either the time or money right now to do such a thing, so I guess that's out.

That's how things seem to be as far as the condo. I'm waiting to hear back about a couple minor requests made in regards to the inspection ($250 credit - the estimated cost to put venting in the attic, and window screens - we found one of three going through the house). Beyond that, it's out of my hands at the moment. The timing is largely up to the bank and realtors now as things are put into place. Everything looks good, but I won't be completely at ease as far as that goes until after the closing. At home, on the other hand, things seem to be going downhill. After a hellish weekend of cleaning, Susan has pressed on. She had said "we'll see about listing the house Saturday," but has already talked with realtors. There's a lock box outside and people could stop by to view the house at virtually any time. I've been warned to limit use of the stove, and we're not using the dishwasher any more. It's getting quite annoying, and I almost expe

Okay, so the inspector was a little late, but we got things under way and started checking the place out. The good: The roof appears to have been replaced recently. The structure seems sound. Most of the appliances seem to work fine. The odd: Every electrical socket near water (both bathrooms and exterior) are hooked up to the same general fault circuit in the main bathroom. The not-so-good: Moisture and design flaws. That's the basis of it. At least the windows in the main bedroom are double-paned, and water has gotten in there, leaving a mineral deposit haziness over time. That's cosmetic. The caulking around the bathtub needs replacing, so there's a little work there. There's a crawlspace underneath the unit (and the two neighboring units). The ground there is damp, which isn't unusual here I'm told, but whoever insulated the floor blocked off the vents to the area. A little effort should fix that up as long as I'm not claustrophobic (or arachnophob

Yep, I'm stiff and sore this morning. But I have time to go into greater detail. Saturday morning I got up relatively early. Gaming had been called off, but I had plans to be packing things. Then I get informed the carpet will be installed "first thing Monday morning." Oof. Suddenly, I have a deadline. Everything I own must be moved by the end of the weekend - either to a storage unit we're renting or the "guest bedroom" that's much smaller than my room. I went to work, but that came to a halt when the guy showed up to put the new window in up there. Mind you, he was supposed to be by Friday. *sigh* Well, I managed to spend some of the five hours or so he was working on things moving what was packed to storage. I had hoped to get in one more night in my own bed. No such luck, Susan wanted the bed in storage almost first thing. Oh well. I got online at about 8:30, I think and was passing out around 9. x.x Sunday - more of the same. I got up and starti

What a weekend. Not bad, just... ugh... insanely busy. I'm sore. I'm tried. My bed (and a fair portion of my worldly possessions) is in storage. Can't even leave a proper entry, this'll have to do.

Well, it sounds like power is being restored through much of the area affected yesterday. So maybe I won't be on the phone most of the night with a certain someone. ;) Other news seems to be good. I got a contract signed on the condo I was looking at, and thus I'm at work with this stuff again. This place was indeed under contract when I last looked at it, but after the inspection, the last person backed out. They found some "dark wood" in the space above the ceiling. No idea what that means. I'd think if it were water damage, soot, or charring, they could identify it better. The woman looking at the place didn't want to deal with it at all and backed out. I've got an inspection scheduled for Monday morning, so I guess I'll see this myself. Hopefully, it isn't anything serious. Also, I'm told the place is "non-warrantable." Now, I still have no idea what the ratio of owner-occupancy to rentals is required in a condo complex for it

"Somewhere I belong" - Linkin Park (When this began) I had nothing to say And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me (I was confused) And I let it all out to find That I’m not the only person with these things in mind (Inside of me) But all that they can see the words revealed Is the only real thing that I’ve got left to feel (Nothing to lose) Just stuck, hollow and alone And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own [Chorus] I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long (Erase all the pain till it’s gone) I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along Somewhere I belong And I’ve got nothing to say I can’t believe I didn’t fall right down on my face (I was confused) Looking everywhere only to find That it’s not the way I had imagined it all in my mind (So what am I) What do I have but negativity ’Cause I can’t justify the way,

Two emotional breakdowns in as many weeks. Actually, if you start timing with the first episode, it's less than one week. Ugh. Yes, everything that's been going on is taking a toll. Objectively speaking, it's ludicrous to get so upset about things that may happen between a couple MUCK characters. But sure enough, he got upset, I got upset, the whole thing snowballed, and wham. And this isn't even the first time, really, it was just... worse. I'm not sure I'll ever understand why we keep playing with each other online when we keep going through this cycle. So where do things stand now? Nowhere. The same place I was early yesterday morning, I guess. I don't feel good. I don't feel terrible. Nothing's actually *happened* yet between the characters. I haven't heard anything from a realtor yet, and I'm frustrated as hell with work. Yep, pretty normal.

I feel like shit. I'm making others feel like shit. Y'know what? Just... FUCK IT ALL!

Your Name: Scott Allistar McCool Your Date of Birth: 02/01/1975 Your Question or Information: Past Lagaz - Intuition, imagination, success in studies, creativity, vitality and passion (especially for women). Present Daeg - Increase and expansion, prosperity, growth, major turning points in life, turning in new directions. Future Ehwaz - Abrupt changes, moving into new home and environment, travel, swift change in situation. Cast the runes here: Rune Caster

"You know we're going to be gone for a couple days, right?" - This asked as I was about to inquire as to what was going on. No, I didn't know that. I was starting to presume it, though. My dad got the job as managing editor at the Cortez Journal. He doesn't really want the responsibility, but it beats an hour-long commute, and he's not ready to retire just yet. So, they're going over to Cortez tonight. Susan will be back Tuesday night. And I will be alone (not such a bad thing) with packing to do (such a bad thing). I'm still waiting myself. I won't get any sort of reply about my termination of that contract until tomorrow (business hours and all). I don't foresee any problems, but I'm ready to give them hell if they should object. And I guess I'll look at a list of what condos are available sometime... probably tomorrow too. And go from there. In all likelihood, things are still either not available or too expensive, but I have to

... or so the saying goes. I'm not so sure at this point. My appetite has declined sharply the last few weeks. Through last night and today, my stomach has felt as though tied in knots. Frankly, I'm surprised my rage-fueled hike last night didn't do more damage than the few little scratches I picked up. But I'm not so worried about myself physically. Rather I find that my mind is a jumble - so much going on I can't focus at all. I was very distracted and short-tempered at work today (and @whee, I'm on call 'til Monday). I can't really focus on roleplaying online (which makes it just as well Tryssa has an excuse to be zoned out). I'm not finding enjoyment in... well... anything. And more than that, I feel like something within my being broke yesterday. You read about that in novels - something traumatic (good or bad) snaps within the character. Like that. I don't know what it was. Innocence? Surely that's already been seered away after clo

Actually... I'm not even there yet. So, I've been around town, discussion mortgages and discovering that, indeed, no lender will give me the money. There are regulations in the market where *they* get the money, basically, that keep them from doing so. In theory, it could be done as a personal/vehicular loan, but the shorter terms and higher interest rates make that a ludicrous idea in this case. I talked with my dad. He and Susan had discussed the idea of them taking out a loan on their new house and, in turn, lending me the money. But, considering the relatively low insurable value of the place I was looking at, none of us would be comfortable with that. But fuck, I can't even just start looking again yet. I need to see about getting my earnest money back. Then I can look... of course, there's nothing available and I'm not sure I trust any of these real estate agents at this point...

So, all seemed to be going well today, then, at about 4:45, I get a call: "Scott? This is Jeff." (Jeff is my loan officer at the bank) "Hi." "Are you sitting down?" (Strange question. Usually that's the prelude to something bad, but Jeff has a very calm, soothing manner. I wondered if things were somehow better than expected.) "Yes." "I have some bad news." (Oh.) "I found out why that place was a good deal. It was built before 1976." "..." (He read my silence well.) "So you're wondering what that has to do with anything." "Yeah." "Well, it means I can't get anybody to carry a loan for it. In fact, I doubt anyone will. I'm surprised your real estate agent didn't tell you." (Me too.) "Uhh... the listing agent too, as the listing read 'Terms: Cash or Conventional Loan.' ... So... is that... it?" "You could do it as a personal loan, but

... only this time the contract has my name on it. I refer to the 'three bedroom, two bath' place I looked at over the weekend. It's about ten minutes from downtown. Water, cable, natural gas... that's all there. No DSL yet, though, so it'll mean back to dial-up for me for... some amount of time. That subdivision is next on Frontier's list, but as Frontier was just bought by another local company, there's no telling when 'next' could be. Still, that's a trade-off I'm willing to make at present. Of course, that's not the end of the story. In many ways, it's the beginning. There's a lot of paperwork and inspections that need to be done before the September 10th closing date. And, when I spoke to my loan officer yesterday, I got a glimpse of what could yet go wrong. Being a mobile, he warned me, they need to have the soil and foundation tested. If it doesn't pass muster, we may be "up a creek." I take that to mean a

Went out to Durango West - a subdivision about ten minutes out of town. Nice scenery. Uphill. Place 1: A mobile that was... okay, but only okay. It was more spacious than many I've seen, but the floor creaked and the walls didn't feel terribly sturdy. It was obvious someone's been working on the place, with a relatively new little porch out in back and all. Fairly cheap, but still not where I'd want to live. Place 2: A mobile that didn't feel like a mobile. Both were on permanent foundations, but this one was... at least 'doublewide'. The inside walls still had a somewhat flimsy feel to them, and the outside was mostly aluminum. But it looked nice. It felt stable. There's a detached garage (that may or may not fit my truck) and a couple sheds. All the basic amenities were there. Price? $100000. Doable. The land is owned, not rented, though there is a 'metro' fee to cover road maintenance and the like. Honest assessment? I think I could live t

"Smooth" - Santana Man it's a hot one Like seven inches from the midday sun I hear you whispering the words Melt every one But you stay so cool My monakita My spanish harlem mona lisa You're my reason for reason The step in my groove And if you said this life ain't good enough I will give my world to lift you up I could change my life to better suit your mood 'Cos you're so smooth And it's just like the ocean Under the moon It's the same as the emotion that I get from you You got the kinda loving that can be so smooth Give me your heart Make it real Or let's forget about it I'll tell you one thing If you would leave it'd be a crying shame And every breath and every word I hear your name calling me out From the barrio You hear my rhythm on the radio You feel the turning of the world So soft and slow turning you around and around And if you said this life ain't good enough I will give my world to lif

Underlying frustration really can take a toll. I've been distracted at work. I've been having less fun in my off time. It's draining on a lot of levels to be stressed all the time. There's a pair of mobiles in Durango West I'm trying to check out. They're both on permanent foundations and on 'owned' land, which is a plus (especially when I found some mobile home parks charge close to $400 a month for rental of the lot). I'll reserve judgement until I see them in person, at least. And there's a condo in the classifieds that's in the same complex as one I viewed and felt favorable toward. That, unfortunately, pushes the affordability envelope. I wrote out my rent check this morning. $250 to my step-mom. Nothing unusual about that, I've been doing much the same for years. What made the experience odd for me was thinking "This may well be the last time I do this." Not good. Not bad. Just strange. It looks like we may actually