I'm Depressed
I mean, I'd be blind to miss it at this point. And what caused it? Well, that's harder to pin down. I think "brain chemistry" is a valid contributor that is rather difficult to do anything about, especially in the short term.
I could point at entertainment, perhaps. Watching a character go through an existential crisis while knowing he, as part of a fictional narrative, really does have a purpose can certainly drive home the lack thereof in real life.
I could wave at a lack of entertainment. Between schedules, health, and moods, I've seen very little entertaining only roleplay in the recent past. Some of that, of course, sits squarely on my own shoulders as I really shouldn't expect others to go out of their way any more than I do. And I ended up sitting out of yesterday's superhero game session. I'm not sure how much to blame the apparent shift it directly, but I really wasn't feeling up to it by that time (which makes me feel even more disconnected and less inclined to play, naturally).
Whatever the trigger(s) and cause(s), I fear I'm a moody and unmotivated mess at present. When nothing really appeals, the thought of just curling up and not doing anything is at lest as attractive as any other option and more so than most.
And yet, I am thankful it's not worse. I am not experiencing the chest tightness and levels of lethargy that I did before taking medication. My thoughts run more along the lines of "I wish I could get interested in something or had some sense of goal and purpose" rather than "I suck and I hate myself for sucking, which makes me suck more." It may seem like an odd distinction, especially from the outside, but it very much is an improvement.
It sure would be nice, though, if there are some switch to flip back - some simple thing to do or say or hear that would make the worries fly away that I could return to a more "normal" emotional state.
I could point at entertainment, perhaps. Watching a character go through an existential crisis while knowing he, as part of a fictional narrative, really does have a purpose can certainly drive home the lack thereof in real life.
I could wave at a lack of entertainment. Between schedules, health, and moods, I've seen very little entertaining only roleplay in the recent past. Some of that, of course, sits squarely on my own shoulders as I really shouldn't expect others to go out of their way any more than I do. And I ended up sitting out of yesterday's superhero game session. I'm not sure how much to blame the apparent shift it directly, but I really wasn't feeling up to it by that time (which makes me feel even more disconnected and less inclined to play, naturally).
Whatever the trigger(s) and cause(s), I fear I'm a moody and unmotivated mess at present. When nothing really appeals, the thought of just curling up and not doing anything is at lest as attractive as any other option and more so than most.
And yet, I am thankful it's not worse. I am not experiencing the chest tightness and levels of lethargy that I did before taking medication. My thoughts run more along the lines of "I wish I could get interested in something or had some sense of goal and purpose" rather than "I suck and I hate myself for sucking, which makes me suck more." It may seem like an odd distinction, especially from the outside, but it very much is an improvement.
It sure would be nice, though, if there are some switch to flip back - some simple thing to do or say or hear that would make the worries fly away that I could return to a more "normal" emotional state.
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