Roads Untraveled

So I watched the anime series Erased which involves a 29-year-old manga artist "time traveling" in mind back to his 11-year-old self and trying to solve some child abductions by changing the past. It's a solidly interesting psychological drama - not much in the fantastic beyond the main premise (which isn't particularly explained, but that's okay).

It got me thinking. There aren't any childhood traumas I would be driven to change in a similar situation. The one childhood regret that sticks with me is I didn't appreciate the uniqueness of a situation one day and opted to hang out with friends over going to a baseball game with my father. I'd change that. But otherwise?

Then I came to the big... well... I'm not sure "regret" is appropriate as I thought through later in my life. College. I could save myself a lot of angst and grief if I actually applied myself and found a better direction rather than failing out in my first year. But if I could do it again... would I? What would change?

If I focused, stuck it out, and earned a degree, I think my life would have taken a radically different turn, but I can't see where to. If I didn't get distracted with MUD-ing, I probably wouldn't RP much online now. I wouldn't have met all the people I have online. If I'd stayed in college, I probably wouldn't have the circle of friends and acquaintances I do now offline either. It's entirely possible I would have stayed in Boulder rather than coming back to Durango.

I can see all sorts of things that path wouldn't be, but I can't even really conceive of where I might have gone or what I might have done. If this branch of what my life is all came about because of a failure... can I regret that? Without any idea what the alternative might be, I don't think I can...

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