Why?
Why, oh why am I this combination of a person who wants to help others and see them succeed, while utterly despising a sense of responsibility for them. I try to lend some outside perspective, to "teach" some of what I've learned.
In some ways, on some levels, I've acknowledged that friends of mine are filling the roles of family. Archtypes of irresponsible mate, or stubborn child... I could slot people in those roles at one time or another. It may be a screwed up analogy, but there it is. I try to help and teach, and it kills me when I see them making the same mistakes over and over that I've tried to break them of.
I'm not always right by a long shot. My ways are not the best, though I hope rarely the worst. But... guh... time and again, I'm left asking myself why I bother, why I invest the time and emotional commitment. Or even money once in a while.
Finances are an area that seems to come up a lot. I'm better off than a lot of my peers/friends - even juggling a mortgage and all the bills associated with it. Living alone limits some expenses, but I don't get to split them with anyone either. My most solid advantage is a stable, full-time job. But it isn't actual income and expense levels that gets me. It's the relation of the two.
Being financially sound is based on a very simple principle: spend less than you earn. That's the whole core right there, though it requires a longer view than "right this minute." But I've seen more than one friend over the years - and especially one over and over - fail to grasp that. They spend money when they have it and wonder why they're broke when they don't. And no matter how many times I try to explain and instill some sense of foresight and planning into them, the cycle repeats. More than once, I've sent money to help when they were fretting about being unable to pay rent, then a couple months later they're talking about splurging on games or vacations or whatever - stuff that is nice, but a long way from essential. I simply don't have the words to express how frustrating that is. And it's not about getting paid back - I don't lend money, I gift it, and if I get paid back that's nice but not required. It's about... metaphorically offering a fish AND trying to teach a person to fish only to watch them scarf down the easy food and ignore the lessons completely.
It's not always money, sometimes it's other behavior. Whatever the case, all my attempts seem to bring me naught but stress and frustration at seeing lessons go unheard. And that strikes me as self-destructive. So what do I do? Stop trying? There are times - like right now - I really feel I should. I should just shut my mouth and let people do what they will do. I don't know what other answer there is that would release me from my own emotional investment, because I surely don't need this weight around my neck.
In some ways, on some levels, I've acknowledged that friends of mine are filling the roles of family. Archtypes of irresponsible mate, or stubborn child... I could slot people in those roles at one time or another. It may be a screwed up analogy, but there it is. I try to help and teach, and it kills me when I see them making the same mistakes over and over that I've tried to break them of.
I'm not always right by a long shot. My ways are not the best, though I hope rarely the worst. But... guh... time and again, I'm left asking myself why I bother, why I invest the time and emotional commitment. Or even money once in a while.
Finances are an area that seems to come up a lot. I'm better off than a lot of my peers/friends - even juggling a mortgage and all the bills associated with it. Living alone limits some expenses, but I don't get to split them with anyone either. My most solid advantage is a stable, full-time job. But it isn't actual income and expense levels that gets me. It's the relation of the two.
Being financially sound is based on a very simple principle: spend less than you earn. That's the whole core right there, though it requires a longer view than "right this minute." But I've seen more than one friend over the years - and especially one over and over - fail to grasp that. They spend money when they have it and wonder why they're broke when they don't. And no matter how many times I try to explain and instill some sense of foresight and planning into them, the cycle repeats. More than once, I've sent money to help when they were fretting about being unable to pay rent, then a couple months later they're talking about splurging on games or vacations or whatever - stuff that is nice, but a long way from essential. I simply don't have the words to express how frustrating that is. And it's not about getting paid back - I don't lend money, I gift it, and if I get paid back that's nice but not required. It's about... metaphorically offering a fish AND trying to teach a person to fish only to watch them scarf down the easy food and ignore the lessons completely.
It's not always money, sometimes it's other behavior. Whatever the case, all my attempts seem to bring me naught but stress and frustration at seeing lessons go unheard. And that strikes me as self-destructive. So what do I do? Stop trying? There are times - like right now - I really feel I should. I should just shut my mouth and let people do what they will do. I don't know what other answer there is that would release me from my own emotional investment, because I surely don't need this weight around my neck.
I'm sorry. :
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