Godbound Gaming Thoughts

 So I scrambled to make a Godbound character back at the end of January and upon finishing, had to wait a few weeks for the actual campaign. Since thing, I think we've managed... three sessions as of last night? Not a very high rate for a "weekly" game, but life happens.

I was asked last night if I was feeling better about the game and the answer is... not really? A lot of little thing still take me out. The inconsistent schedule is one. Things like closing out the previous session with a pose about going to scout where an attack came from and coming into that session with said scouting apparently assumed done and having turned up nothing, even though no direct response to me was made to that effect. And with the "feel" of things the last few sessions, I did wonder if I was missing something.

So I was perhaps both enlightened and a little put out when it was suggested I join the voice channel even if only to listen. My understanding was the game would be non-voice, but it turned out there was definitely out of character banter, discussion, planning, and GM description going on there. I think I've opined before on how disruptive differences in expectations of a game (or any activity) can be. So... yay at getting included a few sessions in, but boo that it isn't what I signed up for?

I have yet to find the right niche for my character. She wasn't really made to be the party thief, which is good because there is at least one already. In fact, the party is large enough (and has thus far done little more than walk on a wreck and start looking around) that I don't really see many clear roles. As a Godbound, she's more designed to be a supporting power behind a mover-and-shaker than any would-be god/king herself, but no one in the group has distinguished themselves as someone to throw in behind yet to my eyes. I've pulled one little bit of prophetic fate-twisting toward one character to test them, but have yet to see any payoff there. This aspect is... perhaps inevitable as something that will require some more time. Group dynamics are a hard thing to force or read in advance a lot of the time.

Honestly, I think the biggest problem is likely me. I certainly have a hard enough time feeling invested in much of anything and I'm prone to existentialist thoughts. It's probably due in part, at least, to my depression and/or anti-depressant. The later is still valuable to me in that it has a good track record of fending off truly abyssal thought processes, but the combination does rob me of some enjoyment that my life had a decade or more ago. Or perhaps I'm just jaded. It's difficult to say with things as ephemeral as feelings and personality. 

I'm not really sure what's "fixable" of all that. Some of it may get better with more play time. Some of it will probably keep nagging at me...