State of the Me
Another weekend done and a time change survived. Though I still don't really care for Daylight savings Time - I don't really make enough use of the light at the end of the day, I just find it harder to get up in the morning. Bleh.
I felt an odd craving for some sort of FPS-style game with story, so after a little research, I took on Metro 2033 (Redux). It's about ten hours of decent story presented in a very linear, often-scripted shooting and sneaking. The post-apocalyptic story of survival, mutants, and potential supernatural is pretty solid, if a little on the dark side. The shooting is fine, the stealth felt pretty weak to me, though. The most striking part to me comes in how I went in fairly blind. I had no idea there was a morality system that limits your ending. While I was generally nice to those friendlies I encountered, I think I may have killed too many people to unlock the "good" ending. Heh. Still not a bad experience overall.
This whole "just working days" thing is a routine I'm settling into. I still have mixed feelings about it, though, as I still find myself wrapping up my nights a couple hours earlier than I used to.
Our Sunday night D&D game on Roll20 hasn't worked out for the last three (?) weeks now. It's hard to get everyone to show up on schedule, it seems, between vacations and shows and family and whatever else.
At least I was able to take half an hour or so and run through my tax return submission. That's something, right?
I suspect right now I'd be in a dark, spiraling pit of depression without my medication. I've had just a few too many conversations and events of late that drive home that core problem with my life - a lack of goals. From that little seed sprouts all sorts of thorny issues. A lack of desire should be contentment, which is a good thing, right? Sadly, I find it just means little motivation to accomplish anything. And when you're not accomplishing anything, the little question "What am I doing with my life?" can be crushing.
That's plagued me since I went off to college over twenty years ago. Since then, it's further sunk in that I don't really have any want for children or marriage. I don't want wealth enough to push for it. I don't want health enough to devote time to exercise more. And while I can look at my life and see some decision opporunities to change... I don't even want that enough to make those choices. I'm sort of academically fascinated with desire, perhaps because of my own lack thereof.
Those thoughts are more than just potentially-depressing. Right now, I think I'm doing okay, though. But there's this odd feeling at the moment like I'm waiting for something. Something that's probably not coming...
I felt an odd craving for some sort of FPS-style game with story, so after a little research, I took on Metro 2033 (Redux). It's about ten hours of decent story presented in a very linear, often-scripted shooting and sneaking. The post-apocalyptic story of survival, mutants, and potential supernatural is pretty solid, if a little on the dark side. The shooting is fine, the stealth felt pretty weak to me, though. The most striking part to me comes in how I went in fairly blind. I had no idea there was a morality system that limits your ending. While I was generally nice to those friendlies I encountered, I think I may have killed too many people to unlock the "good" ending. Heh. Still not a bad experience overall.
This whole "just working days" thing is a routine I'm settling into. I still have mixed feelings about it, though, as I still find myself wrapping up my nights a couple hours earlier than I used to.
Our Sunday night D&D game on Roll20 hasn't worked out for the last three (?) weeks now. It's hard to get everyone to show up on schedule, it seems, between vacations and shows and family and whatever else.
At least I was able to take half an hour or so and run through my tax return submission. That's something, right?
I suspect right now I'd be in a dark, spiraling pit of depression without my medication. I've had just a few too many conversations and events of late that drive home that core problem with my life - a lack of goals. From that little seed sprouts all sorts of thorny issues. A lack of desire should be contentment, which is a good thing, right? Sadly, I find it just means little motivation to accomplish anything. And when you're not accomplishing anything, the little question "What am I doing with my life?" can be crushing.
That's plagued me since I went off to college over twenty years ago. Since then, it's further sunk in that I don't really have any want for children or marriage. I don't want wealth enough to push for it. I don't want health enough to devote time to exercise more. And while I can look at my life and see some decision opporunities to change... I don't even want that enough to make those choices. I'm sort of academically fascinated with desire, perhaps because of my own lack thereof.
Those thoughts are more than just potentially-depressing. Right now, I think I'm doing okay, though. But there's this odd feeling at the moment like I'm waiting for something. Something that's probably not coming...
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