Melancholy

It is deeply frustrating to me to think in the afternoon about how I'm going to go home and do various things. I have several hours in the evening, that's plenty of time to pick up groceries on the way home, do some laundry, maybe even some vacuuming and clean up in the kitchen a bit, and there'll still be time to get online and roleplay, or so I think to myself. Then I leave work and decide I can get by another day or two without hitting the store, and I just feel like going home. And once home, I feel "bleh" about everything, put off the cleaning, flop/nap for about an hour, half-ass a light dinner, and log on with no real inspiration or direction to find friends there not greatly more inspired (or available) than I am.

I wanted to accomplish something, dammit!

It's pretty difficult to find motivation to do things. And, mind you, I'm saying this from an emotional state this is not exactly upbeat, but it's a looong way from the dark spiral of apathy I might have ended up in a year ago. A feeling of accomplishment helps validate my existence, but that isn't quite enough on the front-end to get moving most of the time.

I fully acknowledge this is where living with other people, or even pets, can help. Having someone to do things with can add motivation. Having someone you need to do things for can add motivation. And yet, those things have never gone over real well in my mind because the feeling of being burdened by having to do things for someone/something else outweigh the benefits whenever I think about it. Technically, it's more complicated than that, but that's a condensed version.

Bit of an issue there which has tripped me up for years.

Eh, I'll be fine, but right now, I'm bleh. Bleh, bleh, bleh.