Citalopram
Day 1: 1/17/14
Picked up prescription before work and popped a pill around 3 pm. I suspect the minor headaches and euphoria in the first 1-2 hours may be psychosomatic, because that seems a really, really short onset time...
5:30: Antsy, but that could totally the office getting quiet and having no particular projects on my plate for the evening shift. A certain amount of that isn't abnormal when hitting a point of boredom at work.
End of day: Lots of "maybe this is the medication and maybe not." Possible altered levels of energy/anxiety, but not sure. Possible odd feeling to stomach, but not sure. The only thing that feels reasonable definite at this point at the fleeting, generalized headaches over the last several hours - not localized, relatively minor, and they come and go.
We'll see how sleeping goes.
Day 2
Woke up more or less in the realm of "normal" with questionable subtleties still. Seemed like a lot of dreams over the night/morning. Came to a little earlier than expected. With no particular rush, stayed in bed for another 1-1.5 hours, but got very sporatic sleep in that period.
Generally pleasant day making Nina's pie in the morning. Tried to nap a little in the afternoon with only a small amount of luck. Evening dinner out, which seemed "nicer" than I might have expected, though I can't claim to have been any more outgoing than usual. Possible positive mood enhancement - I'd certainly describe myself as feeling "better than average" today, though it's still hard to say if that's coincidence or medical effect.
Day 3
Sunday. Lazy morning, but unable to get back to sleep. No afternoon nap, though a walk up the hill (20-30 minutes) in spite of mud and ice. Noticing appetite feels sort of blunted. Still feeling slightly better than usual all around.
Tossed and turned getting to sleep, taking a while for thoughts to wind down.
Day 4
Monday and first full work day. Still not a morning person, per se, but answered "How was your weekend?" with "Pretty good" rather than "Okay," and thought this was unusual in its truth. Seem a little antsy, tapping feet at my desk and such.
Made it through the day fine, perhaps a little less tired than average. Yawned a fair amount throughout the day. Mood better in the evening online, but still not greatly motivated to RP any new scenes. Got to sleep around midnight, which is in the realm of normal.
Day 5
Woke very briefly a couple times through the night, then up at 6:30 with alarm. Not feeling "worse" today, exactly, though perhaps starting to feel this is the new normal - I reread a webcomic about depression and smiled at the ending rather than getting sympathetically mired in the middle, but it seems harder to contrast my current emotional state to the past so I have less of that "euphoric in comparison" sense.
Some disinterest in evening socializing online, but it's hard to attribute that - it might have nothing to do with the medication or it could be a lessened libido or interest due to it.
Day 6
In the morning, feeling pretty much the same as the previous day so far.
Day 7
No particular news to add at this point, honestly. It's Thursday in a day-shift week, and I am feeling a bit tired, and probably will be moreso come the evening. I think that's probably something that would be remedied by getting to bed at 10-11 rather than midnight on a regular basis (not as young as I used to be here).
But for all that, I have found it easier to get up at 6:30 than "normal" for one of these weeks and, while tired, I'm not completely wiped at the end of the day, so that probably counts as a higher energy level. No real depressive thoughts or feelings thus far.
Day 10
Sundays can be the roughest nights sometimes - the feeling of the weekend coming to an end, often some level of frustration/dissatisfaction with GW2, people going to bed/wrapping up a little "early"... So it's not surprising that it'd be the roughest night, emotionally, in a while. That said, I don't think it was as bad as usual. I had some of the same thoughts as usual (aimlessness of life, boredom with played-out games, etc.), but none of it gripped me quite as strongly. It was a "down" night, but I think I can say I felt more "sad" than "depressed," at least.
Days 11-27: 2/13/14
There hasn't been too much to add, really. I've felt fairly "normal" over the last couple weeks - no particular effects or side-effects that I've noticed. The weekend of 2/1 was a little bit on the down side, but birthdays get that way and I wasn't really disrupted once the week started - do I call that "depression muted by medication" or just "a couple down days that weren't as bad as they could have been?"
My mood may be slightly better over all, but I'm not as energetic as I felt that first week. My libido may be slightly diminished, but that sort of seems to have been the general direction of things previously.
I go back to speak to my doctor today, and I'm not quite sure what to tell him. I'd probably rather stay on the citalopram than not. I wonder if an increased dosage might be worthwhile.
Day 28: 2/14/14
First day on the increased, 20 mg, dose. So help me, I feel it again - this glorious, if tiny, edge of euphoria and energy.
Picked up prescription before work and popped a pill around 3 pm. I suspect the minor headaches and euphoria in the first 1-2 hours may be psychosomatic, because that seems a really, really short onset time...
5:30: Antsy, but that could totally the office getting quiet and having no particular projects on my plate for the evening shift. A certain amount of that isn't abnormal when hitting a point of boredom at work.
End of day: Lots of "maybe this is the medication and maybe not." Possible altered levels of energy/anxiety, but not sure. Possible odd feeling to stomach, but not sure. The only thing that feels reasonable definite at this point at the fleeting, generalized headaches over the last several hours - not localized, relatively minor, and they come and go.
We'll see how sleeping goes.
Day 2
Woke up more or less in the realm of "normal" with questionable subtleties still. Seemed like a lot of dreams over the night/morning. Came to a little earlier than expected. With no particular rush, stayed in bed for another 1-1.5 hours, but got very sporatic sleep in that period.
Generally pleasant day making Nina's pie in the morning. Tried to nap a little in the afternoon with only a small amount of luck. Evening dinner out, which seemed "nicer" than I might have expected, though I can't claim to have been any more outgoing than usual. Possible positive mood enhancement - I'd certainly describe myself as feeling "better than average" today, though it's still hard to say if that's coincidence or medical effect.
Day 3
Sunday. Lazy morning, but unable to get back to sleep. No afternoon nap, though a walk up the hill (20-30 minutes) in spite of mud and ice. Noticing appetite feels sort of blunted. Still feeling slightly better than usual all around.
Tossed and turned getting to sleep, taking a while for thoughts to wind down.
Day 4
Monday and first full work day. Still not a morning person, per se, but answered "How was your weekend?" with "Pretty good" rather than "Okay," and thought this was unusual in its truth. Seem a little antsy, tapping feet at my desk and such.
Made it through the day fine, perhaps a little less tired than average. Yawned a fair amount throughout the day. Mood better in the evening online, but still not greatly motivated to RP any new scenes. Got to sleep around midnight, which is in the realm of normal.
Day 5
Woke very briefly a couple times through the night, then up at 6:30 with alarm. Not feeling "worse" today, exactly, though perhaps starting to feel this is the new normal - I reread a webcomic about depression and smiled at the ending rather than getting sympathetically mired in the middle, but it seems harder to contrast my current emotional state to the past so I have less of that "euphoric in comparison" sense.
Some disinterest in evening socializing online, but it's hard to attribute that - it might have nothing to do with the medication or it could be a lessened libido or interest due to it.
Day 6
In the morning, feeling pretty much the same as the previous day so far.
Day 7
No particular news to add at this point, honestly. It's Thursday in a day-shift week, and I am feeling a bit tired, and probably will be moreso come the evening. I think that's probably something that would be remedied by getting to bed at 10-11 rather than midnight on a regular basis (not as young as I used to be here).
But for all that, I have found it easier to get up at 6:30 than "normal" for one of these weeks and, while tired, I'm not completely wiped at the end of the day, so that probably counts as a higher energy level. No real depressive thoughts or feelings thus far.
Day 10
Sundays can be the roughest nights sometimes - the feeling of the weekend coming to an end, often some level of frustration/dissatisfaction with GW2, people going to bed/wrapping up a little "early"... So it's not surprising that it'd be the roughest night, emotionally, in a while. That said, I don't think it was as bad as usual. I had some of the same thoughts as usual (aimlessness of life, boredom with played-out games, etc.), but none of it gripped me quite as strongly. It was a "down" night, but I think I can say I felt more "sad" than "depressed," at least.
Days 11-27: 2/13/14
There hasn't been too much to add, really. I've felt fairly "normal" over the last couple weeks - no particular effects or side-effects that I've noticed. The weekend of 2/1 was a little bit on the down side, but birthdays get that way and I wasn't really disrupted once the week started - do I call that "depression muted by medication" or just "a couple down days that weren't as bad as they could have been?"
My mood may be slightly better over all, but I'm not as energetic as I felt that first week. My libido may be slightly diminished, but that sort of seems to have been the general direction of things previously.
I go back to speak to my doctor today, and I'm not quite sure what to tell him. I'd probably rather stay on the citalopram than not. I wonder if an increased dosage might be worthwhile.
Day 28: 2/14/14
First day on the increased, 20 mg, dose. So help me, I feel it again - this glorious, if tiny, edge of euphoria and energy.
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