(no subject)
I've touched on it before and I still dont understand, but then I'm only getting half the story. And considering the half that I'm getting, there seems to be a serious failure in communicating in some ways that seem important to me.
I would be the first person to agree he probably spends too much time with friends compared to wife and child. Okay, I don't have first-hand experience in balancing such things (by choice, thanks), but it just seems like he has favored the "wrong" side of that equation for a while. So, I can see how that could be a point of concern, but I've never really heard if that's been perceived as a problem. Being one of those friends, my perspective is biased, so I just don't know, but wouldn't be surprised if she felt he wasn't giving them enough attention. That's really the only thing I can see beyond the overall stress of raising a child amidst employment/financial difficulties - which is surely stress enough.
But I don't get her apparent suggestion (decision?) that she moves in with family with their daughter while he goes somewhere and "starts a career." Mind you, I'm not sure if those are the precise words she used.
I get a family splitting up, with the intent it be temporary, while one parent takes a job somewhere and the other finishes job/education/home selling before coming to join. I can even get living apart for a while if they can visit with some frequency (my current manager and his wife fly back and forth to spend at least a couple weekends a month together and I haven't heard of plans for her to move here yet) if they can afford that. But in both these situations, there's something for both of them them provides stability on the ends. I've never heard of a couple splitting up so one or both could jump blindly into looking for a job somewhere.
So for my part, I do feel bad for not extending an offer for him to come live with me. Friends should reach out and help one another right? To what extent? I'll admit some discomfort at the possibility simply on a personal level. I don't like being responsible for others, and I am rather fond of my personal space. I've met relatively few people I felt I could comfortably live with for extended periods, and I'm not sure if I can classify him as one such. I'm not sure I couldn't live with him either, but the uncertainty is worrying.
Beyond that, though, the whole idea doesn't make any sense to me. Coming here seems ill-conceived. I mean, Durango probably isn't the worst of all possible options, but there have to be better ones out there. There have been plenty of articles on how it is difficult to get by here. Unless you have specialized education and experience that someone is looking for, which doesn't really seem likely in this case, most job openings are very basic retail/food service type things. That isn't much foundation for a career. I mean, it's better than nothing, but it isn't really enough to support a family. I do okay, but I've been at it for a long time now, I've had some luck along the way, and I only have to support myself.
So where's the endgame? If it were a question of helping house and support someone for a few months, I could probably suck it up, tighten my belt, and manage. But if this is "until he earns enough money to get his own place and support his family here," that's probably anywhere from several years with luck to... some point that never comes. Expecting to turn little experience into a family-supporting career here is somewhere on the range of naive to delusional. And without some idea of how long I would be hosting... yeah, I'm that much less inclined to open up my doors.
Or is getting back together not even a goal? Because that's where I keep coming back to when I think this through, as I can't find any way that being several hundred miles apart makes sense. And if that really isn't the desired outcome, then maybe it should at least be discussed as such. I recognize that married people don't always stay together, and I can accept if the goal here is, in some measure, being split up - but if that's the point, it really ought to be understood as such by all those involved.
I would be the first person to agree he probably spends too much time with friends compared to wife and child. Okay, I don't have first-hand experience in balancing such things (by choice, thanks), but it just seems like he has favored the "wrong" side of that equation for a while. So, I can see how that could be a point of concern, but I've never really heard if that's been perceived as a problem. Being one of those friends, my perspective is biased, so I just don't know, but wouldn't be surprised if she felt he wasn't giving them enough attention. That's really the only thing I can see beyond the overall stress of raising a child amidst employment/financial difficulties - which is surely stress enough.
But I don't get her apparent suggestion (decision?) that she moves in with family with their daughter while he goes somewhere and "starts a career." Mind you, I'm not sure if those are the precise words she used.
I get a family splitting up, with the intent it be temporary, while one parent takes a job somewhere and the other finishes job/education/home selling before coming to join. I can even get living apart for a while if they can visit with some frequency (my current manager and his wife fly back and forth to spend at least a couple weekends a month together and I haven't heard of plans for her to move here yet) if they can afford that. But in both these situations, there's something for both of them them provides stability on the ends. I've never heard of a couple splitting up so one or both could jump blindly into looking for a job somewhere.
So for my part, I do feel bad for not extending an offer for him to come live with me. Friends should reach out and help one another right? To what extent? I'll admit some discomfort at the possibility simply on a personal level. I don't like being responsible for others, and I am rather fond of my personal space. I've met relatively few people I felt I could comfortably live with for extended periods, and I'm not sure if I can classify him as one such. I'm not sure I couldn't live with him either, but the uncertainty is worrying.
Beyond that, though, the whole idea doesn't make any sense to me. Coming here seems ill-conceived. I mean, Durango probably isn't the worst of all possible options, but there have to be better ones out there. There have been plenty of articles on how it is difficult to get by here. Unless you have specialized education and experience that someone is looking for, which doesn't really seem likely in this case, most job openings are very basic retail/food service type things. That isn't much foundation for a career. I mean, it's better than nothing, but it isn't really enough to support a family. I do okay, but I've been at it for a long time now, I've had some luck along the way, and I only have to support myself.
So where's the endgame? If it were a question of helping house and support someone for a few months, I could probably suck it up, tighten my belt, and manage. But if this is "until he earns enough money to get his own place and support his family here," that's probably anywhere from several years with luck to... some point that never comes. Expecting to turn little experience into a family-supporting career here is somewhere on the range of naive to delusional. And without some idea of how long I would be hosting... yeah, I'm that much less inclined to open up my doors.
Or is getting back together not even a goal? Because that's where I keep coming back to when I think this through, as I can't find any way that being several hundred miles apart makes sense. And if that really isn't the desired outcome, then maybe it should at least be discussed as such. I recognize that married people don't always stay together, and I can accept if the goal here is, in some measure, being split up - but if that's the point, it really ought to be understood as such by all those involved.
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