Mrrf
I have to preface this by saying a couple things:
1) The timing is absolutely uncanny. I knew (and even said to myself) as soon as I committed a large chunk of money to buying a new computer, something would happen to make me wish I hadn't taken that leap.
2) I feel I have to vent. But... I'm reluctant to post this because it largely involves probably the person most likely to read in on LJ. Rawrgle. But... I have to vent...
So, yeah, last night I got updated on the situation with a friend that has gone unmentioned for a month or more. Now, I didn't think no mention meant everything was worked out and fine, but... still...
He's in an unpleasant situation, having been out of work for a few years now, with wife and child, and having a roommate that made current accomodations feasible moving out. Any possible work has to permit time for taking care of a kid and has to make enough to offset the loss of current government assistance funds. To maintain his current residence, it would also have to pay enough to cover what the former roommate did, which is unlikely for a part-time, starting position somewhere. It's a mess, no question.
So the bombshell I get last night is that his wife's current theory is she'll move to Texas with their daughter to be with family, and he can go live with friends in some other state - possibly me.
I... have trouble expressing just how baffling such a suggestion is to me.
I get that they don't seem to be real close with each other's families, possibly even adversarial in some cases. I get that being around existing friends is good and he wouldn't really want to move somewhere without any friends or family of his own. It just seems to me that separating like that is for couples who are 1) not getting along, thus divorcing or 2) in a situation where one person is following a job opportunity for the betterment of the family (usually with the other person moving to catch up later). I can't really wrap my head around how being jobless living with one or more friends is better than (or even acceptable when compared to) being jobless living with wife and child. Moving's probably going to be a traumatic experience wherever the destination, it feels to me like a married couple should be sticking together as much as possible through that, not doing the opposite.
As much as I have these strong gut feelings on what they "should" be doing, I'm certainly not in any position to judge or really make strong suggestions. There are too many specifics I don't know, and my own relationship experience is narrow and largely inapplicable.
And then there's the personal aspect of it for me. I like to think I'd open my doors to a friend rather than see them homeless on the streets, but this doesn't sound so dire to me with family ties (distasteful or not) available yet. And I know that inviting in company would mean changes to routine I'm not comfortable with at this point, plus the financial side - I do okay, but taking someone in would put me in belt-tightening emergency mode at least. It would probably be technically possible to support someone else at home, at least for a while, but I'm not really well equipped for it at present. And I see no way I would not resent it on a level that would undermine things emotionally. So while I feel guilty as hell about it, that's not really an offer I feel up to extending at present. If I ever live with someone again, I either need to undergo some radical personality shifts or there needs to be some more equality in things somehow.
Mrrf. I wish I had some great insights to close with, but I really don't...
Edit: And Friday morning, I get to hear, "Remember what you were saying last night about needing to communicate more? She's put in her two weeks notice and made plans to take our daughter out of school here at the end of the year." Urgh. Unilateral decisions like that strike me as a very, very bad sign.
1) The timing is absolutely uncanny. I knew (and even said to myself) as soon as I committed a large chunk of money to buying a new computer, something would happen to make me wish I hadn't taken that leap.
2) I feel I have to vent. But... I'm reluctant to post this because it largely involves probably the person most likely to read in on LJ. Rawrgle. But... I have to vent...
So, yeah, last night I got updated on the situation with a friend that has gone unmentioned for a month or more. Now, I didn't think no mention meant everything was worked out and fine, but... still...
He's in an unpleasant situation, having been out of work for a few years now, with wife and child, and having a roommate that made current accomodations feasible moving out. Any possible work has to permit time for taking care of a kid and has to make enough to offset the loss of current government assistance funds. To maintain his current residence, it would also have to pay enough to cover what the former roommate did, which is unlikely for a part-time, starting position somewhere. It's a mess, no question.
So the bombshell I get last night is that his wife's current theory is she'll move to Texas with their daughter to be with family, and he can go live with friends in some other state - possibly me.
I... have trouble expressing just how baffling such a suggestion is to me.
I get that they don't seem to be real close with each other's families, possibly even adversarial in some cases. I get that being around existing friends is good and he wouldn't really want to move somewhere without any friends or family of his own. It just seems to me that separating like that is for couples who are 1) not getting along, thus divorcing or 2) in a situation where one person is following a job opportunity for the betterment of the family (usually with the other person moving to catch up later). I can't really wrap my head around how being jobless living with one or more friends is better than (or even acceptable when compared to) being jobless living with wife and child. Moving's probably going to be a traumatic experience wherever the destination, it feels to me like a married couple should be sticking together as much as possible through that, not doing the opposite.
As much as I have these strong gut feelings on what they "should" be doing, I'm certainly not in any position to judge or really make strong suggestions. There are too many specifics I don't know, and my own relationship experience is narrow and largely inapplicable.
And then there's the personal aspect of it for me. I like to think I'd open my doors to a friend rather than see them homeless on the streets, but this doesn't sound so dire to me with family ties (distasteful or not) available yet. And I know that inviting in company would mean changes to routine I'm not comfortable with at this point, plus the financial side - I do okay, but taking someone in would put me in belt-tightening emergency mode at least. It would probably be technically possible to support someone else at home, at least for a while, but I'm not really well equipped for it at present. And I see no way I would not resent it on a level that would undermine things emotionally. So while I feel guilty as hell about it, that's not really an offer I feel up to extending at present. If I ever live with someone again, I either need to undergo some radical personality shifts or there needs to be some more equality in things somehow.
Mrrf. I wish I had some great insights to close with, but I really don't...
Edit: And Friday morning, I get to hear, "Remember what you were saying last night about needing to communicate more? She's put in her two weeks notice and made plans to take our daughter out of school here at the end of the year." Urgh. Unilateral decisions like that strike me as a very, very bad sign.
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