Stupidity and Emotion
2:00 am and I can't sleep. My brain doesn't want to shut up, going in circles. It doesn't help, I'm sure, that I curled up and napped for about three hours in the afternoon to avoid such thoughts. Ugh.
Raveena made an appearance on Faire today, and looks to be settling in to show up "regularly" again. That shouldn't bother me, but it does. I'm genuinely jealous of the way I see people going "hey, it's Raveena, she's so cool!" This is tangled up in my head with the in-character aspects of how Raveena is, in some ways, Mika's only real "rival" via her involvement with Arion. And I still haven't really let go of how she interceded with Ebony's children.
But y'know, even when I'm jealous, I'm usually horribly aware of it. And I'm disgusted with it. So not only am I irrationally upset at someone else, but I'm upset with myself because there's really no grounds for it all.
Friends of mine are excited to see a friend of theirs they haven't seen much of in years? That's natural. If Lairu showed up again, I'd probably be happy to see him (if conflicted with bitterness, too).
I can't say I have any real reason to be upset with what's happened in character either. There's certainly no justifcation for getting worked up over any connection Raveena has to Arion or Ramses (and, in fairness, if that's all there was I think she'd be a "friendly rival" to Mika). And while I still think the deal with Ebony's children was thoughtlessly done, it's awful petty to bear a grudge over that.
And I suppose it may be worth noting that she strikes a chord with my dislike of "fair weather friends." To be sitting there and talking about picking up almost as if she'd never gone is... well, it feels insulting. And that's one thing that I can pretty surely say is a sore point of mine in general, not specific to her. The last time Lairu made an appearance, I felt as much hurt over his absence as happiness over his presence. And there's a member of our WoW guild who... well, I would rather group with almost anybody else in the guild, regardless of gear or experience, than them because of they way they hopped out of the guild when we weren't making progress, then came back when they got bored with whatever other guild they'd been in. I understand people grow and priorities change, I don't generally blame people for moving on, but I do find it offensive when they return and seem to expect the months and years of absence to have meant nothing to those "left behind."
This is so... childish and aggravating. I'm so frustrated with myself for giving any of it more than a moment's thought, and feeling the depth of emotion behind my reaction is almost nauseating. Yet as much as I beat myself up about it, that doesn't make it go away. Why do I feel all this? Why?
I desperately need to just let it all go...
Raveena made an appearance on Faire today, and looks to be settling in to show up "regularly" again. That shouldn't bother me, but it does. I'm genuinely jealous of the way I see people going "hey, it's Raveena, she's so cool!" This is tangled up in my head with the in-character aspects of how Raveena is, in some ways, Mika's only real "rival" via her involvement with Arion. And I still haven't really let go of how she interceded with Ebony's children.
But y'know, even when I'm jealous, I'm usually horribly aware of it. And I'm disgusted with it. So not only am I irrationally upset at someone else, but I'm upset with myself because there's really no grounds for it all.
Friends of mine are excited to see a friend of theirs they haven't seen much of in years? That's natural. If Lairu showed up again, I'd probably be happy to see him (if conflicted with bitterness, too).
I can't say I have any real reason to be upset with what's happened in character either. There's certainly no justifcation for getting worked up over any connection Raveena has to Arion or Ramses (and, in fairness, if that's all there was I think she'd be a "friendly rival" to Mika). And while I still think the deal with Ebony's children was thoughtlessly done, it's awful petty to bear a grudge over that.
And I suppose it may be worth noting that she strikes a chord with my dislike of "fair weather friends." To be sitting there and talking about picking up almost as if she'd never gone is... well, it feels insulting. And that's one thing that I can pretty surely say is a sore point of mine in general, not specific to her. The last time Lairu made an appearance, I felt as much hurt over his absence as happiness over his presence. And there's a member of our WoW guild who... well, I would rather group with almost anybody else in the guild, regardless of gear or experience, than them because of they way they hopped out of the guild when we weren't making progress, then came back when they got bored with whatever other guild they'd been in. I understand people grow and priorities change, I don't generally blame people for moving on, but I do find it offensive when they return and seem to expect the months and years of absence to have meant nothing to those "left behind."
This is so... childish and aggravating. I'm so frustrated with myself for giving any of it more than a moment's thought, and feeling the depth of emotion behind my reaction is almost nauseating. Yet as much as I beat myself up about it, that doesn't make it go away. Why do I feel all this? Why?
I desperately need to just let it all go...
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