Another day

I don't handle change well.

I'd probably blame that on moving with my mom time and again as a child. A psychologist could probably find a dozen other things to blame it on too. Whatever the reason, I don't like it. I get stressed out over the mere thought of lifestyle changes. I've worked at the same place (albeit different jobs) for over nine years now. How many people under age thirty can say that?

But a little bit more background into my current state of mind. Last night, my dad and I went for a walk. It's a pretty rare event these days, and it was for the purpose of talking about the future. Not even the distant future. More talk about the possibility of my parents moving.

He assured me it had nothing to do with me. He's good that way, and it had never crossed my mind. He also mentioned they were looking at a house. Now, looking at a house and looking at a lot on which to build a house (as they had been doing until recently) are very different things. The former could mean they'll move... anytime now, really. That's put a fair amount of sudden pressure on me, as I had been thinking I'd have a year, maybe a year and a half before a transition was forced. Ick.

He also spoke of his own reservations, which caught me a little off-guard. I knew he was less excited at the thought of moving than my step-mom is, but I never realized how much so. The more they search, it seems, the more he likes this place. She, on the other hand, is more and more set on going. That makes their side of this process more awkward for me to watch.

But... I know I need to start seriously looking and talking to people. I've glanced on and off at various calculators and local costs. It looks like, with a reasonable deal, I might be able to (between loan and funds) afford something in the neighborhood of $80K. What I would tends to start at just over $100K. So either I compromise with something smaller and/or farther away, or I find some way to finesse more money out of somewhere and rent the second room I'd like in order to make up the difference (heya, Nina).

None of that is assured at this point, though. I've got a nice history without any notable debt, but I've never borrowed large sums of money either. And I'm not sure "I have a friend who can live with me if I have a second bedroom and help make payments" carries much weight with a loan agent.

I finished the talk with my dad feeling better for it. I ended the night soul-weary for largely unrelated reasons. Today, I feel weighed down, lost, and strung out. I'll be lucky if I get through the workday without snapping at anyone else. Then again, the network functions (having been recently and appropriately called "the most incompatible setup possible"), so miracles happen here every day. Heh.